Johnnie and the Day of Reckoning

Standing proudly on my dressing table, situated between my deodorant and cologne, is a bottle of Johnnie Walker's Black Label whisky.

No I'm not an alcoholic.

There's an interesting story behind how the bottle ended up on my table. It all started back in January. My brother was down in KL for a few days and had decided to check out Zouk's "Mambo Jambo" night. As luck may have it, that particular Wednesday was one of Membo Jambo's them parties, meaning it was bigger and better and located in the main room of Zouk instead of Velvet Underground.

As luck may have it again, that also turned out to be the same night JAWI decided to pay a visit to Zouk to nobly prevent the moral decay of Muslim youth. Blergh. Yes, it was THAT night.

Much to my brother's dismay, the policemen who took to the stage during the Village People's "Y.M.C.A." were not actually part of the show.

Being a non-muslim, my brother staggered out of Zouk mightily disaapointed but clutching his almost empty bottle with him.

As he realized how little there was left the next morning (1 1/2 pegs, 2 if you really stretch it), he duly left for Penang without his bottled companion. So it came to be that Mr. Johnnie Walker now sits on my dressing table. He has been sitting there, patiently, quietly, for the last 8 months.

Not being one to drink without rhyme or reason, I decided that Mr. Johnnie Walker shall not die in vain. I have been waiting to finish the elixer on the final day of my final exams marking the end of my tertiary studies - as the opening drink to a night of celebration. Symbolic, no?

That day is now only 3 days away. 3 more papers before Friday night arrives and the celebration begins. Each time I go to my dressing table now, I can almost hear Johnnie whispering "I'm mighty proud of ya son, you've finally made it", to which I reply "Looking forward to it, my good man. Looking forward to it...".

An idle mind is the devil's plaything, they say, and as studying is usually accompanied by quite a bit of idling, I put my creative skills to test. A camera phone can be quite useful at times like this, I tell you. I took some pics or Mr. Johnnie Walker.



Somehow this picture reminds of Sai Baba or some other famous holy dude who always seems to have a glow around his head in pictures. Johnnie looks so calm...so serene...almost.........spiritual.

Technically speaking Johnnie is a spirit, so I guess it makes sense ;-)



Electric blue vibes emanating from the core of (spirit)uality.



In this shot Johnnie looks like a valcano ready to erupt. Ready to spew out his fiery contents in a blaze of mayhem and destruction which will bring fertility and a new beginning to the surrounding land.

How apt.

A weekend in Penang

Even though I have been living in KL for the last three and a half years, my heart lies on the island of Penang - my home state. I always look forward to my infrequent weekends back home, chilling on the island. Penang offers many things that KL cannot, such as smoother traffic, less smog, the familiarity of home and of course – the food!! Oh man, the food! KL food sucks compared to what is on offer in Penang. I don’t care if people say it’s not as good as it was, it’s still bloody good to me! I have yet to taste a char kuey teow in KL that comes close to the kuey teow I’ve had in Penang. Ok I'll stop here. I get very emotional about food, you see.

So it was that after my final year project presentation last Thursday I decided to take a weekend sojourn back home to de-stress before hitting the books for the upcoming exams. I had a ticket for the 11.30 Konsortium bus to Butterworth. My house is actually on the mainland, yes.


I left KL on a morning with clear blue skies. “Ah”, I thought to myself, “God wants me to have fun this weekend”. A perfect start to what I hoped would be a perfect weekend.

The bus ride was smooth. I was lucky as the bus traveling back was a new one, which made it quiet and comfortable. About 45 minutes from my destination, around Bukit Merah, I was half asleep dozing to the sound of Sean Paul promoting the benefits of some chick called Mary J (Sean Paul – We Be Burnin’). Suddenly….

“BOOM!!! KEDEBONG KEDEBONG KEDEBONG KEDEBONG KEDEBONG…….”

There was a loud exploding sound followed by what appeared to be a train under the bus. All the passengers were shocked out of their slumber. A lady passenger even flew out of her seat and almost landed on the floor, although it was only noise and there was no impact whatsoever.

My perfect weekend had started well enough, but God decided to throw a spanner in the workings of my weekend. One of the bus tyres had punctured, so the bus was stopped on the side of the highway as the driver made some calls.

A few minutes later, the bus was roaring along the emergency lane at the hilariously fast speed of 5 kilometres per hour. Fortunately, we had just passed Taiping, where there was a Konsortium bus depot. The bus crawled to the Bukit Gantang rest stop where we were to wait for a new bus to be sent. This is why it’s safer to stick to established bus companies, people.



Well, at least it gave me a chance to have lunch. The new bus would take 25 minutes to arrive, according to the driver. All in all the delay was about 45 minutes. Not too bad.

The food selection was, well, non-existent. But I was hungry as hell, so I settled for a simple nasi lemak with Milo ais.



All I can say is, the Milo ais was fantastic.

Reached the Butterworth bus station at 5 pm, a little later than expected. I was home. This was my land, I was with my people! Most importantly, my fooooood.
Spent a few hours lepaking at home before the call of the night jungle became too strong.

At 9 pm, I get a call on my handphone. It was my brother just off work on the island.

Bro: What time you got back?
Me: 5
Bro: Why so late?
Me: Bus punctured la, what to do?
Bro: Hahahhahahahahahahahahahah…………..hahahahaha. Sooo, what’s your plan now?
Me: I don’t know. What’s your plan?
Bro: Come over la. We go SS.
Me: Set la macha!

So it was that I ended up on a ferry at 10 pm heading towards the island.



It’s pretty cool taking the ferry at night. The sea breeze is cool and fresh, the ferry is for the most part empty, and the view is magnificent. Don’t expect a pic tho, I was too lazy to haul my ass off the seat to grab one.

After waiting 40 minutes for my always punctual brother, there we were:



Slippery Senoritas’. The only club in Penang that is known beyond the little state’s borders and has somehow managed to stay in business for over 5 years. This place is still doing very well mind you. I don’t get it. The music is the same every single weekend, the podium is always deserted, they have a crappy house band even on weekends, and 90% of the people dancing look like they’ve been hit by a taser gun. On the positive side, it is a safe and strict clubbing environment with a cool interior and friendly staff. There was even a bartender dancing on the island bar!



Pictured above is the island bar downstairs viewed from upstairs. Looks pretty cool eh? If you look closely you can see how packed the downstairs area is. The podium is located behind the two plasma TVs. As usual, it was empty.

What’s clubbing in Penang without a fantastic after-party meal? Some of the usual selections include Tari Café burgers, Penang Road sup kambing, nasi kandar Line Clear, nasi kandar Sahuban, and nasi ganja. Interesting names for interesting food. This night however, we headed to Kassim Mustafa, which is quite well-known around the country.



Kassim Mustafa is famous for two things, ayam negro and coconut sambal. The ayam negro is named so because of the dark colour of the chicken gravy. The coconut sambal is bloody marvelous. Adds a lovely kick to your food. Kassim Mustafa at 4 in the morning, only one word does it justice – heaven.

Somehow the picture I took above is the clearest of the lot. Coincidentally, the above pic was also taken while I was – naturally - in a somewhat inebriated state. Is there a connection? Guess I’ll have to try again next time for confirmation! All photos were taken with my 1.2 megapixel camera phone.

The next night, more clubbing!! Well, actually it started off as catching the Man U vs Man City game at Soho’s English pub. As the game ended at 12, well, we stayed on la!!
This time I took the Penang bridge to get to the island.



Sunday was spent at home with my family. While reading the
Sunday papers, I came across a picture which I thought was hilarious. It was taken off a Sky news broadcast about hurricane Katrina.



See if you can spot the mistake. Ironically, it is a mistake that is absolutely correct and true.

In the evening my relatives came over. There are 3 families in my extended family in Penang (including mine) and every weekend there’s always a gathering of some sort is somebody’s house. Family power!!! This time it as in my place in Butterworth. Just chilling in the garden.



It wasn’t a barbeque but there were some birds being marinated - kingfishers,.



Kingfisher beer, to be exact ;-)

The next morning I returned to KL feeling refreshed and ready to face the world. So it is that this week I’ve been stuck at home preparing for my exams next week. Last weekend was great, and as my final paper is next Friday I expect next weekend to be even better! This weekend though, there’s only Liverfool vs Man U to look forward to. Till then…

The Final Presentation

Despite the completion of all my projects and assignments, there was still one hurdle left - the Final Year Project presentation. I had everything that I wanted to say well understood and ready to spit out, but I had one worry - my project assessor who during the mid-point presentation incredulously claimed "Your project is on the brink of failure" while other project assessors gave their students scores like 18/20 for plagiarised work done the night before the mid-point presentation. Let's call this dude "Project Ass". Short for assessor. Shame on you for thinking that way. Tsk, tsk. Project Ass was the only aspect of the final presentation I was worried about. My supervisor, although reassigned to me during the final two weeks of the project as my original supervisor took maternity leave, was someone I was comfortable with and respected to understand the nature of my robotics project. In my view, the G iz kool man. He tight.

So there I was, all set to present my work. My desktop had been set out, program files copied from the submission CD to the desktop and everything was set. Cue PowerPoint slides...

Me: Let's start, shall we? As you know...
Project Ass: Uhm, before you go on, I want to ask you about this....*proceeds to ask question*
Me: Uh, well sir, in my opinion...*proceeds to answer question*

This went on repeatedly. As I strived to talk about the work I had done, I was constantly interrupted by Project Ass with some form of inane questioning. My first 6 slides took 30 minutes to present. By that time I had 20 minutes left to finish presenting my slides and go on with the robot demonstration. As I was struggling to finish my explanations and handle his barrage of questioning at the same time, he said this:

"Perhaps you should just run throughor skip the slides and move on to the demonstration?"

Bloody hell, he makes me spend so much time answering his endless questions, then has the cheek to ask me to skip my presentation on my work??

Me: Well sir, I think these areas warrant some explanation. Perhaps I should briefly explain them and then move on to the robot demonstration?
Project Ass: Sure, if you think it is neccessary...

So I finish up and move on to the demonstration. This is when I take out my secret weapon!

No , not that weapon. The other one, the robot.

All this while my supervisor just intently listened, popping in now and then to ask a couple of sensible questions. He's the man, I tell you. He actually seemed interested in my robot.

As I demonstrated the different modules, both Project Ass and my supervisor had fun playing around with the robot's touch sensors, purposely blocking the robot's path so it would reverse and change direction. They were like widdle kids playing with a new toy. At this point I had also built up some semblance of an audience witnessing my robot navigate its way around the tiny confines of the presentation room.

After the demonstration, more questions were asked by Project Ass. For the record, Project Ass' line of questioning had more to do with criticizing my project than actual interest in it.

The presentation, which had me on edge for the last week, was then over - 15 minutes later then scheduled. One hour and 15 minutes total. I thanked the dynamic duo of Project Ass and my supervisor for their time and interest and wished them all the best.

As they walked out of the room, about 25 kg of weight magically melted off my shoulders. I felt so light I swear I started floating a couple of times.

And so it is that at 6.15 pm on the 8th of September, my final piece of work as a student of the great institution called APIIT was done. This is it! The chains of academic work have finally been unshackled! I am a free being, an escapee from the boundaries of the shitloads of work that APIIT has dropped on me for the last three and a half years of my life.

I'd like to thank my robot, Susan, for her patience in dealing with the dynamic duo and for not acting up at the wrong time. I am truly blessed to have a friend like you, Susan.

Susan now shares the same space with Joe and Smurf. I have a feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful threelationship...

A Journey of Knowledge

More than three years ago, I set out on a journey of self-discovery, a journey that took me to the mystical faraway land of Ko-Ah-La Loom-Poq. A journey in the pursuit of wealth of the mental kind. I seeked knowledge.

This was a journey I had to make, for at that point in time I was a failure, a shame to my own people - crucified and vilified wherever I went. "Stupid", "Failure", "Disgrace", and the knife of insult that pierced deepest into my fragile and withered armour of self-respect - "Pea - brain".

Many contemporaries had made this journey before me. None returned the same person. All of them had been corrupted by the evils and perils that tempted and poisoned the weak and feeble minded. They came back disfigured and discoloured by the instruments of Satan - blonde hair, earrings, piercings, tattoos, and likings for smoke-eminating sticks and nectars that corrupt the mind. More importantly, they came back without that which they set out to obtain - a degree.

So it was that I left the my small, innocent hometown of Pee-nangh' among much trepidation and fear that I would succumb to be just another victim of the evils of the big city. My keepers were very reluctant to let me go and much strain put on our relationship convincing them to let me do so.

I left with much resolve and strength within me that I should return a hero, with smiles from the lips of my keepers that I had succeeded where many had failed. Free from the temptations and evils that are the root of failure. I had to regain my keepers' belief in me and restore my reputation. I left a decrepit boy with no pride and with people around me confident that I would be just another failure.

Fast-forward 42 months and here I am. I write this as man who was withstood the evil temptations and overcome the obstacles in the pursuit of my Holy Grail of knowledge and wisdom. Three and a half-years of blood, sweat and toil and many moments I endured on the brink of desperation, thinking aloud "What the f**k la! What the hell am I doing this for?!". It has been a tough journey, one that has made me a wiser and better person but starved of female companionship. An unintentional vow of celibacy was made when I signed ny name on the registration scroll, not knowing that my temple of learning was 80% male dominated.

Today, I stand proud. I can hold my head up high when I return to my hometown to the resounding cheers and and smiles of friends and keepers, including extended keepers. It is a happy moment for me, a moment where I have regained the trust and confidence of the people around me. A moment where I have progressed from boy to man. The moment where I start to live my own life by my own rules. Yes, I can now hit the inn on Friday and Saturday evenings scouring for lovely young maidens that will never be introduced to my keepers, without worry or curfew. I am now free of the shackles of parental imperialism. I have made the ...TRANSITION... Destiny fulfilled.

But what is the proof of all this, I hear you ask?!? Where is the scroll that denominates me as knowledge repaired from my days of knowledge impair?!? Judge too fast, you do. Bah! But of course I have it...it is my preciousssss, my crown jewel, my culmination of years of toil.

It is depicted here.





"Wiser than me, are you? Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship" Yoda - Return of the Jedi

Wiser than me are you? Take the test.

I See It...the Light....It's So Near....

Ah....life, I tell you. Keeps handing you assignment after assignment. The FYP was submitted last week, that left 4 more. One of those is done, leaving three more. Of those three, one is due tomorrow, one is due Friday, and the last one is due Monday. What a nice sequence of due dates. It'a almost like a symphony.

As far as I'm concerned, Friday I'm free! THe project due Monday is the easiest fortunately, and will be completed by Saturday latest. That leaves the very important question - what to do Friday night?!?

All I know is this: I WILL NOT BE AT HOME!!!

Honestly, after three and a half virtually non-stop years of higher education, I am so looking forward to finishing off my time in APIIT. The longest break in my time in APIIT was 5 weeks, so the whole duration of doing my diploma and degree is just a blur of academic experiences. Mostly stressful ones. Every semester there is this one or two week period where everything comes to a head and you feel stressed as hell. I'm at the end of the final semesterly stressful period right now. In fact I can't think of anything interesting to write.

In a month from now, exams will be done and I will just have to await graduation on December the 4th. I am contemplating whether to take a break first or start job-hunting immediately. There is also the issue of whether to go back to Penang or remain in KL for a while. Personally, I'd like to remain in KL for a while first. Heheh, this reminds me of a conversation I had with my dad a couple of months back. This took place in a relative's place during a family gathering. He had had a few margaritas when this took place.

Dad: Sooon!
Me: Wassap?
Dad: It's time to talk about your future...

At this point I was thinking "Die la! He wants to marry me off!!!".

Me: What about my future?
Dad: Give me your resume, I'll look for jobs for you in Penang. I have some contacts. (Proceeds to tell some long-winded story about someone who owed a favour).
Me: Dad, we gotta talk.
Dad: Sure.
Me: I've got plans for my own future. Before you start planning my life, let me tell you what I think and what I want to do.
Dad: OK. Go ahead.
Me: I'd like to work in KL for a couple of years before returning to Penang.(Dad starts to look a bit unhappy). Let me tell you why.
Dad: Ok, ok...go on.
Me: If I work back in Penang, what will I be doing every weekend?
Dad: Uhhmm....you'll be out in the same SS and Soho's...
Me: Yes, with the same people at the same places.
Dad: Uh-huh...
Me: All of whom are guys...whenever I come back to Penang we never go out with girls...it's the same group of guys all the time.
Dad: Yes...
Me: In KL there is much more opportunity to meet and get to know girls. In Penang I will be single until you arrange a marriage for me.
Dad: (enthusiastically) Ok, ok...I see your point...I'm glad you told me this.

Heheh, my dad is a bit traditional when it comes to these things. With this excuse, there was never any chance of getting "no" for an answer. In fact, I was surprised he took it so well!Anyhow, this is a true fact! There are hardly any girls in Penang. So that was it, issue settled, no probs! In fact I was surprised my dad took it so well.

At the core of the issue, although I love Penang more than KL and would love to spend the rest of my life there, as a young person I would like to be in KL for a while first. Penang is limited, even as a person who goes back once every couple of months or so I see the same faces and go to the same places all the time. KL has much more variety, more excitement. Most importantly, more opportunity and options for work and social life. Besides that, practically all my friends from back home have left. There's hardly anyone left there from my life in Penang. Here in KL, I've got loads of friends nad have become used to a routine and lifestyle. Not that I don't have that in Penang - whenever I'm back i feel like I never left - but it's the small things you know...like even the people I used to play football with have stopped playing. No more football on the old "tanah merah" field like the good old days. The scene has changed a lot.

Man, I sound old. I'm growing up.

By the way, Happy Merdeka to all.